On Sinus Infections and Self-Acceptance (Blog #514)

Today has been another full day at the International Lindy Hop Championships, and it’s absolutely flown by. Of course, I did sleep in until noon–my first meal of the day was lunch–so that may be some of it. In terms of my physical body, part of my neck and back are in periodic spasms, but otherwise I’m making it. My energy level is–all things considered–solid. What’s more, it occurs to me that I haven’t had a full-blown or even a mild sinus infection in six months. This is a big deal, considering I had one that lasted the entire three-months before that, and I’ve historically gotten one every eight to twelve weeks.

Hum. I really wasn’t intending this to be a health report. I guess I’m just thinking about these things because I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gotten sick (with a sinus infection) while I’ve been traveling, especially to dance weekends. I’m assuming this happened because whenever I’m away my schedule is off and I’m usually worn out. You know, lowered immunity and what-not. All that being said, I’m grateful that at least the sinus-infection part of my personal health equation seems to be improving.

Let’s hear it for progress.

But back what went on today. This afternoon the event held the finals for several of the major competitions. Talk about some great dancing! And y’all, the coolest thing. They have a juniors division here, and the kids that were in it were the cutest things you’d ever want to see in your life. They killed it. There was even one kid who performed a solo routine, and he had more energy and pure heart for this dance than I’ve seen maybe ever. When he finished dancing, the entire room gave him a standing ovation, and dozens of people threw their shoes on the floor, which I’d never seen people do until now and is apparently a sign of respect.

This evening I went out to eat with a few friends. Y’all, we ate at a place called Jaleo, and the food was ridiculously good and so well-presented. That being said, I’m not exactly sure what KIND of food it was. Like, my first course was a cold tomato soup, then I had stuffed peppers, then an amazing spinach salad, and then some type of grilled chicken. All of this was followed by three different types of ice cream. So amazing.

Here’s a picture of the stuffed peppers.

Now it’s about midnight, and the event is winding down. They did the awards ceremony earlier. The band should be almost finished. Whenever they are, there will be a party with soul music. However, by three o’clock, it will all be over. I guess part of me is a bit sad. That tends to happen at events–it’s like I want more time to meet people, talk to people, dance with people. But earlier one of my new friends said, “God places you where you need to be,” so I’m trusting that whatever interactions I’ve had this weekend are the ones I’ve needed to have. And that feels better than thinking, Things didn’t go as well as they could have. I could have–should have–done more.

I really have been noticing improvement in this department. I don’t beat myself and life up as much. What happens, happens–and I’m more and more okay with that. I have to be. I’m tired of everything being wrong or not good enough. I’m worn out with comparing myself to everyone who dances or looks better or even different than I do. I’m exhausted with not being comfortable in my own skin. So that’s something, the fact that there’s more self-acceptance here. Yes, it feels right, like finally finding the rhythm or clapping on the beat.

Let’s hear it for progress.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Your story isn’t about your physical challenges.

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On Fermentation (Blog #512)

Well shit. After waking up at 6:15 this morning and rushing to and through the St. Louis airport just to sit on the tarmac (again!) for over an hour (due to lightning), I finally made it to Washington, DC, this afternoon. The good news–my luggage made it too. In fact, it was one of the first onto the conveyor belt. The bad news–almost everything inside was wet. I guess they left my bag outside while it was raining. Oh well. I took a complimentary (hotel-sponsored) shuttle to the hotel where I’m staying, got checked into my room, and laid my clothes out to dry.

When I told one of my friends about my problems yesterday and today, she said, “The flight home will be better.”

Let’s hope she’s right.

I’m here in the nation’s capital for the International Lindy Hop Championships, one of the largest and well-known swing-dancing competition events in the world. This is my first time here, my maiden voyage, and I’ve come mostly to observe. And despite the fact that I’m not competing or taking classes, normally I’m intimidated in new dancing situations. But today I’ve felt at home–comfortable in my own body and heart. What’s more, I’ve seen some friendly faces–people who know my name and seem to like me. So that helps.

The weekend here is jam-packed with things to see and do. I’m not sure what’s going on now, but I do know that dinner starts before long, so that’s my priority. Well, after I take a shower and brush my teeth. Since I was stuck in St. Louis last night while my luggage was stuck in Tulsa, I haven’t used an honest-to-god toothbrush in over thirty-six hours. Granted, I did scrub my teeth with my finger and a bar of hotel soap (that tasted ever so slightly like lemon), but that’s wasn’t the same thing. Also, I know washing my mouth out with soap sounds gross, but it was my best option at the moment and wasn’t as bad as you might think. Try it for yourself sometime.

Just don’t swallow!

Currently my brain is mush. I could really use a nap. That being said, I can’t stop thinking about fermentation. Odd, I know, but I finished reading my book about alchemy on the plane today, and fermentation is one of the seven phases of what alchemists call The Great Work. And not that they have to happen in a certain order, but fermentation is step number five and is basically the step in The Great Work (or self-work or spiritual work) in which “the hard part” has been done and now you simply wait as everything in your life putrifies, breaks down, and rots. It’s not pretty or fun, but that’s why St. John of the Cross referred to this stage as The Dark Night of the Soul.

Of the seven stages, this is the one I currently identify with the most, as it’s the one in which you feel as if nothing in your life is working–because nothing in your life is; it’s not supposed to. Rather, by design, all the things you once held dear–including your values, relationships, and precious opinions–are intended to break down and fail you so that YOU can be transformed. The books advice? Wait. Do nothing. Don’t try (because you’ll fail). Try resting for a change.

This advice is frustrating for a do-er like me, of course, but what I love about this alchemical way of looking at the world is that it reminds me that you can’t force The Process. Sometimes the best you can do–the most appropriate thing you can do–is wait. Be still. What’s more, I’m reminded that just as suddenly as problems and frustrations can show up in our lives, they can disappear. At SOME point, the fermentation process does end, and a new, transformed life emerges.

At–some–point.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Answers come built-in. There are no "just problems."

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