I hate not having a plan. You wouldn’t know it to look at my life, but I’m always mapping things out. For example, when I came to Houston several days ago, I planned to leave this morning (Thursday) to go back to Arkansas. Not that there’s anything to go back FOR, but I did imagine the trip this way, and I only brought so much underwear. Then last night I thought, Maybe I could go dancing in Dallas Friday night. But I don’t have a place to stay in Dallas. But I want to go dancing.

Shit. What am I going to do?

Anyway, this morning I got up, packed my bags, and had a short meeting at ten. When that was over I didn’t know WHAT to do, but finally thought, For crying out loud, Marcus, you’re free. Do whatever you want to do. So I went to a used bookstore. (This is honestly my idea of decadence.) I spent probably two hours there and walked out with two books–one on meditation, the other on dreaming. Then I went to another used bookstore, then another. At the last one, I got a book on the meaning of symbols. And whereas part of me kept thinking, Are you really doing this again, Marcus, buying a hundred books you may not read?, another part of me thought, What’s fifteen bucks for a fun afternoon and a little knowledge?

While I was at the first bookstore, my swing-dancing friend Sydnie messaged me and said that she was in Houston and that if I wanted to stay with her, we could go dancing tonight. So that’s what I decided to do. (A plan!) After the third bookstore, I ate an extremely late lunch at Boston Market, a place my friends and I frequented when we used to come here to Houston for a Lindy Hop conference. Anyway, the restaurant is sort of (kind of) like a cafeteria, and when I picked up my tray at the end of the line, I spent an entire minute hunting for a plastic fork. When I finally noticed there was one wrapped in a napkin next to my plate and I made a joke about my oversight, the server honest-to-god rolled his eyes.

This is why I like macaroni and cheese more than people–it’s less judgmental.

After eating, I met Sydnie and got settled into her guest room, then we went to the dance. Y’all, it was so much fun–I saw several people I knew and had some lovely dances and conversations. And then–and then–I went next door to ANOTHER used bookstore and bought two more books–one on spirituality and one on myth and psychology. My friend Kyle (who was at the dance and is pictured above with me, Sydnie, and our friend Robin), said, I see you just lost your sobriety chip for BAA.

“What’s BAA?” I said.

“Book Addicts Anonymous.”

“Truth me told, I never EARNED my book-buying sobriety chip.” (Another failed plan.)

Now I’m back at Sydnie’s for the night, nursing a slight headache. Tomorrow my plan is to sleep in, then drive to Dallas and see a friend. I’d love–absolutely adore–staying to dance afterwards, but–again–I’d need to find a place to stay or fork over the money for a hotel room. So I might just drive home. I’m trying to be open to whatever happens, trying to trust that I’ll know what to do in the moment. That’s the way things worked out today, after all, without a definite plan. Perhaps life is better this way, when we’re not in control. Perhaps when we mentally leave room for anything to happen, anything can.