This morning–after 13 hours of traveling and one 5-hour stop to see my cousin in Oklahoma City–my aunt, my parents, their dog, and I rolled into Albuquerque, where my sister lives, at 8:30. Talk about being worn the fuck out. It was all we could do when we arrived to say hello, hug everyone, and unpack the overloaded car. I shit you not–my parents brought their digital scale. Granted, my dad’s on a diet (he calls my mom The Food Nazi), but still–I found everything except the kitchen sink while unloading things this morning–three boxes of crackers, Dad’s insulin, even Mom’s FOOBS (fake boobs), the ones she got after her double mastectomy in January.
In case you were wondering, each one has its own carrying case.
Today itself has been a blur. My nephews have been hyper non-stop, so we’ve played board games, video games, Mr. Potato Head–you name it.
This evening my sister and brother-and-law made dinner–burgers and baked beans–then my brother-in-law, the boys, and I got in their pool until it started raining. Now it’s 8:15, and the kids just went to bed, as did my father. Both my aunt and mom took naps this afternoon–I took two–but I think we’re all still tired and groggy–road weary. Plus, it can take a minute to adjust to the higher altitude out here.
There’s simply less oxygen for your brain and body to run on.
Personally, I’m in a daze. Normally I have a plan when I travel–read a book, go to a bookstore, check out the local dances. At some point, since I’m attending a dance event in San Francisco this coming weekend, I need to figure out when to leave for California and how to get there. But I’ve been so tired from last week’s manual labor and the night’s travels, I can’t rub two thoughts together, much less make a decision about what I want to do.
Maybe tomorrow.
Now I’m on my sister and brother-in-law’s back porch, huddled up on their couch, watching a storm roll in. [It’s the desert, but it’s also monsoon season.] I’d planned on watching the stars come out, but instead I’m getting to see the tree branches whip and sway. The wind is really strong. I may need to go in.
Early this morning, between three and four and between Santa Rosa and Tucumcari, New Mexico, I was in the backseat of my car, Tom Collins, and asked my dad, who was driving, to pull over the car so I could look at stars. Except for the occasional (and annoying) passing car, it was pitch-black outside. No street lights, no “light pollution.” This to say I was expecting a good show, different from what I normally see in town. But–oh–my–god, it was glorious.
Looking up, I saw thousands and thousands of stars, each shining and twinkling unimpeded by any city fog or haze. Typically when I spot Cassiopeia (The Queen), I can “make out” four of her five major stars. But last night, every one of her five bright lights were unmistakable. And THERE was Cepheus (The King), and Pegasus (The Horse), and Perseus, and EVERY STAR in Capricornus (where Mars is currently and which I can never, ever see any part of in the city). And in the midst of it all was The Milky Way–our galaxy–a wide swath of stars that arched across the heavens like a nighttime rainbow. To say that this–all of it–was stunning is an understatement, especially since this was my FIRST time looking at the sky with a modicum of knowledge about the constellations and “what’s going on” up there.
Facing south, it looked something like this. (Screenshot from the Stellarium app.)
Each of us is just as mysterious as the night sky.
Twenty minutes later we were in Tucumcari at a Denny’s, and the city lights we so bright that all I could see were six stars. Six. From thousands to six in fifteen miles. And The Milky Way–nowhere to be found. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was, how frustrated I was at all our modern technology and progress. Effectively–at least in town–we’ve wiped out the heavens, our very own galaxy. It’s not that it’s not there, but we simply don’t SEE it because it’s been covered up. This is what the mystics say about our hearts. Not that they’re embedded with original sin, but that they’re embedded with original goodness and unconditional love; those qualities have just been “covered up.” I’m coming to believe this, that each of us is just as mysterious as the night sky–in a daze sometimes, but absolutely filled with more glorious light than we could ever begin to imagine.
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you think only girls cry or that crying is inappropriate for some reason, fuck you. Some things are too damn heavy to hold on to forever.
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