Trust That Answers Are Coming (Blog #980)

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Today I finished reading three books–Esoterism & Symbol by R. A. Schwaller de Lubicz, The Hanged Man: Psychotherapy and the Forces of Darkness by Sheldon Kopp, and The Power of Your Other Hand: A Course in Channeling the Inner Wisdom of the Right Brain by Lucia Capacchione. And whereas I only this week started the first two books, I started the third one over a year ago. Alas, it’s sat on my shelf collecting dust since last summer, just waiting for me to notice it. Well, today was the day. I can’t tell you how good it felt to finally be done. And yes, I know that I didn’t HAVE to finish it. But I genuinely wanted to, was actually interested in what it had to say.

I’ve talked about divine timing before, and I continue to be amazed by it. While reading the book I just mentioned, I noticed several things made sense to me that wouldn’t have made sense to me a year ago. Better said, several things STOOD OUT to me that wouldn’t have before. But they did stand out because of other books I’ve read over the past year. I kept thinking, Oh, there was a reason I didn’t pick you back up until today. I wasn’t ready for you yet.

This evening I had dinner with a friend (we’d planned on going out this weekend but at the last minute decided to go tonight) and told them of my recent and positive results with upper cervical care. When they asked HOW I found out about this healthcare modality, I credited a dancer friend (whom I honestly don’t talk to very often) who mentioned online their positive results with upper cervical care (that they received over ten years ago). And whereas I can’t say what’s going to happen or not happen over the next few months in terms of my healing, I can say that based on how much I’ve improved in the last two weeks (I truly feel like my innate healing powers have been given back to me), this whole setup is what I’ve been praying and waiting for.

By setup I mean–I don’t think any of this has been accidental.

Getting back to the idea of divine timing, I’m astounded by what all had to happen or not happen in order for me to find out about this form of treatment. Fifteen years ago my friend and I had to meet. Ten years ago my friend had to be sick and–God knows how–find her doctor. Earlier this year my friend and I had to reconnect. And then there’s what had to happen to get my doctor close enough that I could drive to him, since he used to be located much farther away, like the only other two people in the state who do what he does. Anyway, I could go on but won’t. I just keep thinking that answers are being lined up for us LONG before we even ask our questions. I just keep thinking that it doesn’t make much sense for me to try to tell the universe how to do its obviously complex job.

Because it’s doing just fine.

When I wasn’t reading today, I was tidying up my room. My therapist says when you’re feeling SCARCITY, one way to feel ABUNDANCE is to give something away. “It doesn’t have to be a lot,” she says. “It could be a dollar, a t-shirt, a hour of your time. Anything to get the energy flowing.” So that’s what I did, picked out stuff to donate–several shirts, a pair of shoes (the too-big ones I tore my ACL in), a handful of books I’ll either never read or never read again. Let someone else enjoy them, I thought. Then I went through my “paper pile” and threw this in the trash, filed that in a folder. Then I reorganized a few shelves in my closet. You know how one thing leads to another.

I wish I could tell you WHY I felt compelled to tidy up my room today or–as I’ve been doing recently–clean up my Facebook friends list. My therapist says any cleaning out makes room for other things to come along, so maybe that’s it. Maybe a part of me knows that this blog is coming to a close and–at the same time–my body is mending, so I just need more “room,” more health for whatever is coming next. But this is speculation. I can’t say why anything happened today, just like I can’t say why the sun rose this morning. I only know that it did, it was right on time, and it was perfect. More and more I know it’s not my job to know why. Rather, it’s my job to follow my inner guidance, that voice that says, “Check out that doctor. Read this book, not that one. Go to dinner now, not later.” It’s my job to be patient, trust that answers are coming, and enjoy the mystery of it all.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Every stress and trauma in your life is written somewhere in your body.

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Sunshine and Rain (Blog #434)

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Shit. It’s three in the morning. I always say this like it’s a surprise. Where DID the time go? But let’s face it, this happens constantly. For over a year now I’ve been sitting down last-minute, exhausted, to write. I tell myself I’ll write earlier, that I won’t write as many words this time, but I don’t. Please don’t think I’m playing the martyr here. These are the facts–these are my choices. But clearly I haven’t quite made peace with them yet.

I’m working on it, dear reader, I’m working on it.

Today has been a wonderful day. I spent most of it doing what I love–reading, learning. I picked up two new books yesterday, and they’ve cut to the front of the line. One is about how facial structure relates to personality (who knew?), and the other is about how writing with your non-dominant hand can help you tap into your inner child and healer (that is, the other side of your brain). So far both books are fascinating, but I’m completely taken by the one called The Power of Your Other Hand. A terrible title for a single person like me, to be sure, but the book itself is solid gold.

(That was a sex joke, Mom.)

Since it’s late and I’m only two chapters in, I’ll be more detailed about the book later. But I will say the theory is that using your non-dominant (normally left) hand directly accesses your right brain, and so far my right brain (creativity, playfulness, spirituality) has told my left brain (logic, order, control)–“You’re too serious,” “Give it a rest,” and “I’m important too.” These messages alone are enough for me to reconsider my general approach to life and myself. How long have these opinions been waiting to be heard? How long have I been silencing or ignoring–even partially–half of who I am?

I spent this evening decorating at my aunt’s house–well–her dining room, since she just bought a new dining room table and china cabinet. I love doing stuff like this. First I thought, I have no idea where to start. But then I began grouping her knickknacks and pictures by color, size, “feel,” figuring out what went with what. Eventually a plan came together. I arranged one cubby in the china cabinet, then two, and so on. After that, I began hanging pictures on the wall. All night long I was back and forth to the other rooms, the garage, searching for other items that went with our theme.

“Do you have any books?” I asked my aunt.

“Yes, over there,” my aunt said.

“Okay, but I’m real picky–I only want hardback ones in certain colors.”

After four hours, it had all come together. Sure, there’s still work to do, but the china cabinet is done, and a several large photos or prints are on the wall (not pictured). I can’t tell you how good it feels. I love seeing a decorating project coalesce. Much like writing, there are so many surprises along the way. My aunt had bought a wooden tray with three clear Mason jars that set inside it. Originally I’d planned to use it “as it,” but my aunt has a lot of colored vases, and I thought, What if I put the glassware collection inside the tray instead and used the Mason jars elsewhere? Eeek, I just love the way it turned out. So much better (I think.)

Both sunshine and rain are required for growth.

I’ve never really thought about it before, but decorating really uses both sides of my brain. Most certainly, it uses the creative side, the side that’s more wild and not contained, the side where’s anything’s possible. But then it also uses the more logical, structured side, the perfectionist side, the side that has limits. One of the exercises in the book today asked that I draw both sides of my brain as I intuitively sensed them. Oddly enough, I drew my left side as “sunny” and my right side as “stormy.” I’m still fleshing out what this means, but I know that most of the time, I present a shiny face. I extend my right hand (which connects to my left brain), smile, and put on a good show. The other side of me, my left side, my “darker,” stormier side, I keep hidden. But that side is me too (and, like a storm, it’s powerful), and I’m learning that both sides are not only useful but necessary, that both sunshine and rain are required for growth.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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All emotions are useful.

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