Well crap. Earlier tonight I finished the puzzle I’ve been working on, the puzzle I technically started several months ago. And whereas I’m done, IT’S MISSING A PIECE. That’s frickin’ right–there are SUPPOSED to be 1,000 pieces, but there are only 999. What the hell? If you look at the picture above (the image is of a famous painting–The Birth of Venus by Botticelli), there’s a big gaping hole (the size of a puzzle piece) in the lady on the right’s abdomen.

I can’t tell you how much this upsets me. (But don’t worry, I’ll try to.)

Chances are, I lost the final piece. Or maybe someone else did. Since I’ve had the puzzle out, it has been moved around a few times, and someone (including me) could have bumped it and knocked the piece to the floor. From there, as my dad pointed out, our dog could have eaten it. Who knows what happened? But I’ve combed the floors and looked everywhere including the vacuum cleaner bag and can’t find it. I keep hoping it will just materialize. So far, it hasn’t. This is driving my inner perfectionist bonkers.

I need to talk about something else.

This afternoon I finished house sitting, but before I did, I took my friend’s dog for walk. Y’all, for the last four days I’ve been following that little pup around and picking up its poop with little plastic baggies–because that’s what I was asked to do, because it’s courteous to pick up your dog’s poop when it shits in your neighbor’s yard. But get this (shit). While walking today I noticed NOT EVERYONE DOES THIS. That is, twice (twice!) I spotted dog poop in other people’s front yards, which means SOME PEOPLE are obviously out walking their dogs and not cleaning up after them. In my opinion, this is the dog-walking equivalent of guys who dart out of public restrooms without washing their hands. (This unfortunately happens a lot, ladies.) Oh well, we all make choices. What’s right and decent and sanitary for one person isn’t for the next. (For evidence of this, just look around.)

When I got home from house sitting, my dad and I went to the gym and I ran on the treadmill. Y’all, I hit a personal milestone, at least since having knee surgery four months ago–I ran for a solid hour! Not crazy fast, mind you–I totaled 4.5 miles–but I broke a serious sweat. But again, I ran for a solid hour!

Go legs.

Recently my chiropractor referred to me (my body) as a wreck. This was said in good humor, since have a lot of (physical) issues–my hips, my shoulder, my neck. At the same time, I’ve been thinking the last few days that I don’t like the idea of thinking of myself as a wreck or broken. Never mind the fact that someone else said it. I’ve said it a lot. I’ve thought, I’ve got these pains, and they’ll never go away. I’m a mess. But I don’t want to think that anymore. I don’t want to believe that anymore. Because, deep down, I believe my body is smart, I believe there are answers available, and I believe healing is possible. Plus, it feels better to refer to my body in my self-talk as wise rather than ignorant or stupid. I imagine my body would like that too.

I mean, how would you feel if someone talked to you like that day-in and day-out?

Okay, back to the puzzle. It’s still driving my inner perfectionist crazy, but I’ve calmed down a little. After I realized I was missing a piece, I started thinking about how much I’ve been looking forward to that final moment of completion. Like, Awe, I did it–a thousand pieces. And yet that moment never came. So then I had to remind myself that despite the fact that I never got THAT feeling of satisfaction, it’s not like I haven’t had hundreds of other moments of satisfaction along the way. That is, I’ve had fun putting the other 999 pieces together. Ugh, so often I focus on the what’s wrong–a little pile of dog shit, a pain in my hip, the guy who didn’t wash his hands!–rather than what’s right. So often I focus on the missing piece instead of the whole puzzle.

I blame my inner perfectionist for this and am working on it.