Extremes in Caffeine and Dancing (Blog #506)

Last week when I got sick for a day, I stopped drinking coffee. For one thing, it didn’t sound good at the time. But I also traditionally drink way-too-much coffee, so I thought, Give it a rest, Nancy. Well, the first few days were a little rough, but I made it. Now it’s been over a week. Look at me! That being said, I’m not smoking cigarettes, getting laid, or doing any other damn fun thing in my life these days, so I’ve noticed The Void. It’s been tough to hold my head up, especially since I’ve been working the last several nights until four in the morning helping friends pack. Even when I sleep past noon like I did today, I just can’t seem to get enough rest or ever really wake up.

And God knows the GREEN TEA isn’t helping.

At all.

This morning while making breakfast and preparing to toast a THIN bagel, I noticed our butter is UNSALTED, our cream cheese is FAT FREE, and our grape jelly is SUGARLESS. This was the final straw. What the fuck? I thought, as I switched on the coffee maker. Why would someone even want to live in an uncaffeinated world where EVERYTHING tastes like cardboard?!

As if life weren’t challenging enough.

So now I’m enjoying my first cup of coffee in over a week. Feel free to alert the media. And whereas the all-or-nothing part of me thinks that I’m a failure for not “sticking it out,” another part of me thinks coffee DIDN’T sound good last week, but it DOES sound good now. I mean, the seasons change, so why can’t my desires and opinions? But seriously, back to this cup of joe. It’s delicious. I’m glowing.

I feel like a virgin. Touched for the very first time.

Who doesn’t like a little drama?

Maybe I could try not to overdo it this time, just drink coffee with breakfast instead of all day long. I’ve heard some people do that. I don’t know–moderation isn’t really my bag. I like the all-or-nothing thing, the extremes. Sure, it’s more dramatic, but who doesn’t like a little drama?

Sometime last year there was a dance move called The Backpack Kid that went viral thanks to Katy Perry’s performance on Saturday Night Live (SNL). The move is a little difficult to explain in writing, but it essentially boils down to swinging your hips from side to side while swinging your arms in the the opposite direction. (The complicated part is that every other time, one of your arms goes behind your back.) Anyway, the move is super fun, and during my last trip to Nashville (and after a few beers), I finally figured out how to do it. Yippee!

Recently I was watching an interview with the teenage kid who made the move famous, and the interviewer asked him why he thought kids could do the move faster and therefore look better doing it than adults. Well, the little shit said something like, “Kids are more agile. Old people are brittle and can’t move as well.” And whereas that’s “sort of” true and SOUNDS like a good answer, I DISAGREE. Think about it. A child is smaller than an adult. Their hips are like eight inches from side to side. An adult’s, on the other hand, are like forty-five. (I obviously exaggerate.) But the point is that the move requires taking your hips from one side to the other. Because a child has LESS DISTANCE to travel, they can bounce back and forth faster than a bunny rabbit can hop across your front lawn. However, since an adult has MORE DISTANCE to travel, the back-and-forth takes them longer.

It’s just physics.

I guess there’s two ways of seeing The Backpack Kid. A shorter distance means a faster movement, which–granted–is fun to look it. There’s a certain “yee-haw” quality about it. It’s flashy. But a longer distance, despite its slower movement, means A LONGER DISTANCE. What’s more, the distance traveled becomes MORE OBVIOUS. (Wow! I went from HERE to THERE.) This is what I like about having wider hips. Maybe they don’t move as fast as a teenager’s, but their movements are clear. They’re distinct. They’re powerful. Likewise, this is what I like about the all-or-nothing thing. It’s easier to SEE MOVEMENT when there are extremes. Not that I’m suddenly against moderation and balance (I’m not), but it is easier to NOTE CHANGE when there’s summer on one end of calendar and winter on the other. And I imagine this is how we all spend our lives–moving from one extreme to the other. Some of us move a little less, faster; some of us move a lot more, slower. But all of us, it appears, are dancing.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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One day a change will come.

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Waiting for a Door to Open (Blog #61)

This morning (fine, it was two in the afternoon) I woke up, rolled off the couch, and made a pot of coffee. Before long, Bonnie and Todd came downstairs, and we went in search of food truck tacos to start Bonnie’s birthday celebration. (The two of them actually woke up at a respectable hour and started celebrating earlier–Todd gave Bonnie an espresso machine!) Anyway, in my opinion, any day is a good day that starts with food truck tacos.

This evening the three of us went out to eat at Acme Feed Company, a four-level building by the river in downtown Nashville. When we walked in, a rockabilly band was playing on the first floor, but there wasn’t room for dancing, so we ate on the rooftop. The picture at the top of the blog is of Bonnie and me by the downtown skyline. Bonnie meant to hold up “50” with her fingers for her birthday, but held up “05” from the camera’s perspective. (Technology is difficult, but it can be forgiving.)

After dinner we walked along Broadway, the main street in downtown. There were neon lights everywhere, live music coming from almost every open door, even a few street musicians. Here’s a picture of Bonnie and Todd along the avenue. The sign behind them says, “Liquor before beer–You’re in the clear. Beer before liquor–You’ll be okay. Don’t be a BABY!”

Once we hit the top of the street, we turned around and headed back toward the river, stopping by a statue of Elvis to take pictures. Bonnie went first. Notice that she got a little fresh with the king. But hey, it’s her birthday, and I’m sure he’s used to it.

I went next and decided to flip the scene and make it look like Elvis got fresh with me. (Oh baby won’t you be, my lovin’ teddy bear?)

Lastly, Todd stepped in, and I think he wins the prize for creativity. Notice how he looks all shook up. (See what I did there?)

For the last several months, Bonnie has been saying that she’s “hashtag damn near fifty.” As her birthday has gotten closer, we’ve joked a lot about the Saturday Night Live character Sally O’Malley, this lady played by Molly Shannon who likes to “kick, stretch, and kick,” and tell everyone, “I’m FIFTY!” So when we got back to the apartment tonight, Bonnie went into the same routine. Check it out.

Last week I was at Lowe’s and ran into one of my high school teachers. I’m not sure how it happened, but he started talking about kids these days, and the next thing I knew, he was on a soap box. (Right next to the paint counter, in front of God and everybody!) Anyway, he said, “I hate it when people say, ‘You can be anything you want to be’ because you can’t. Look at me. [He’s short, and in some sort of weird cosmic joke still has a 28 inch waist even though he’s long past retirement age.] I wanted to be in the NFL.”

So I’ve been chewing on that conversation for a while. Personally, I really like the idea that you can be anything you want to be. In my world, short guys with small waists and a lot of passion (which my former teacher has in truckloads) could play in the NFL. But I do get that’s not reality. If you want to play in the NFL, it really does help to weigh more than a hundred and twenty-five pounds and have a waist bigger than a junior high cheerleader’s. Even as I was walking around Nashville tonight, it was obvious that not everyone who wants to be a singer can actually sing.

Of course, that doesn’t stop them from dreaming, and I for one am glad it doesn’t because I think the world needs more dreamers.

Joseph Campbell says, “Follow your bliss, and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” I’m pretty sure I’ve quoted this statement before, and I’m sure I’ll quote it again because it’s my life mantra right now. It’s something I’m willing to live the rest of my life putting to the test to find out if it’s true. Personally, it’s taken me some time to figure out what my bliss really is and figure out what I really want. But now that I have, now that I can say, “This is why I’ve been put on the earth,” I’m moving forward. I see it as my job to do my part, trusting that the universe–which is a pretty big, magical place where magical things happen every day–will do its part.

The truth is that even if you can’t be anything you want to be, you can absolutely be who you were meant to be. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

This morning while I was having coffee, Bonnie played me a song called Last Night God Sang Me a Song by The Whistles & the Bells. Honestly, I was just sort-of listening, not expecting it to grab me, since I was mostly thinking about an email I received when I woke up about a writing contest I entered and didn’t win. And even though I’m getting pretty used to being rejected or “not accepted” for that sort of thing, it’s always a disappointment on some level. But then the song got to the end and said, “Whatever you do, don’t settle,” and then Bonnie started singing, pointing her finger at me, adding my name in and saying, “Marcus, Please, don’t settle.”

And then I started crying.

A couple of years ago in therapy, my therapist suggested a mantra for me–I don’t chase boys. Another time she told me that when it comes to letting people in my life and loving them, there should be “a door man, a guest list, and a dress code.” In other words, I should have standards, and I shouldn’t settle.

So lately that’s where I’m at. In my personal relationships, I’ve not going to chase anyone, and I’ll gladly spend the rest of my life alone rather than settle for someone or something that’s beneath my standards and beneath my worth. In terms of my future professional life, the same rules now apply. I know that I want to be a writer. More than that, I know that I am a writer. I also know that–in part–it’s what I’m here to do. Along with eating food truck tacos, it’s my bliss. (I’m kidding about the tacos.) It’s the thing that makes me want to “kick, stretch, and kick,” and say, “I’m A WRITER!”

There’s a true story that Elvis was once told to stick to driving a truck because he’d never make it as a singer. Clearly, Elvis and the universe had other plans, and I can only assume it all happened the way it did because Elvis was following his bliss. Personally, I think that when you get clear about your purpose, it’s easier to move forward and not be slowed down by someone else’s soapbox or rejection. Because the truth is that even if you can’t be anything you want to be, you can absolutely be who you were meant to be. And don’t let anyone else tell you differently. Rather, keep doing what you love and not settling. Stand strong and stare down the walls before you, knowing that–at any moment–the universe will gladly open a door.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

"When you’re authentic, your authenticity is enough. You don’t need to compare."