Jupiter and Me (Blog #458)

Thoughts–

1. Sleep

Today I slept in, took a nap this afternoon. My body is tired and wants to rest. I judge it, judge me, think it’s lazy. But I’m learning to listen. I have to. The body always wins.

2. I got 99 problems, and a book is one

There’s a song that says, “I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one.” This is true for my life. However, while surveying my room today, I noticed another problem. I’ve started the book collecting thing again. This after my big estate sale in which I sold hundreds I never read. Now I have a dozen lying around my room, some partially read, some–like me–waiting to be noticed. This afternoon I started to get overwhelmed, like I HAVE to read them, check them off THE LIST. But then I thought, Marcus, you’re just creating problems for yourself. There’s not a problem in this room, except the ones you’re imagining.

3. Some planets move slower than others

This afternoon I read more about the stars and planets. The sky is starting–starting–to make sense. I’m currently fascinated with the fact that Mercury laps the sun every 88 days (earth takes 365), but Jupiter takes nearly 12 years, spending almost a full year in each constellation of the zodiac. There’s Mercury, running himself ragged. (Run, Mercury, run.) Ole Jupiter isn’t in a hurry.

Honestly, I’m so much like Mercury–I can’t read fast enough, can’t get to wherever I’m going fast enough. Today I’ve been faced with my emotions–frustration, sadness, not having answers–and I can’t get over them fast enough. But what if I settled in, moved like Jupiter, accepted that I’ll get “there” soon enough, that–shit–there’s nowhere really to go?

I’d probably feel better.

4. Friends help a lot

Now I’m with my friends Bonnie and Todd, on their porch. We’re talking about emotions, relationships, even the stars and planets. At least for me, speaking my worries and concerns out loud makes them more bearable, seem smaller. I told Bonnie about my book concerns, then five minutes later she gave me another book, a gift she picked up for me in Nashville. We both laughed, I felt better, got excited about the book. I thought, I got 99 problems, but a book ain’t one.

5. Inspiration

In addition to the book, Bonnie gave me a print she found in an antique store. It’s a simple drawing of a typewriter and a cup of coffee. “The tools of your trade,” Bonnie said. “It’s perfect,” I replied, noticing that the paper was stained in coffee. Like me, or at least my teeth. I plan to add it to my alter, for inspiration. Looking at the drawing now, I see that it’s unsigned. To me, this is beautiful, that a total stranger would create something–a muse for someone like me–and not ask for recognition in return. Like a slow-moving planet that would never think to call out, “Look at me.”

6. At least someone loves me

All things are moving as they should.

Earlier on the porch I got bit by several mosquitoes. Those bastards love me. So that’s something, someone does. Now the air has changed, the mosquitoes have moved on, my histamine reaction is calming down. I’m calming down. This is my life lately–getting upset and calming down, reminding myself that all things including Jupiter and me are moving as they should, remembering that people notice me, love me.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Life doesn’t need us to boss it around.

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The Universal Dance Floor (Blog #450)

As much as I love swing dancing (and I do), I adore two-stepping. Two-Step, a country dance, comes from Foxtrot, and, although there are a number of different ways to count and dance it, is typically counted “quick, quick, slow, slow.” Like Foxtrot, Waltz, Quick Step, Polka, and Tango, Two-Step travels counterclockwise along line-of-dance, which is the imaginary “loop” or “track” that’s laid out around the perimeter of any dance floor. (Spot dances like Rumba, Cha-Cha, and Swing are danced in the middle of the floor; line-of-dance dances are danced on the outside.) Anyway, there’s just something about two-stepping. Not only do you get to constantly travel around the dance floor, you can also turn or spin around yourself or your partner at the same time.

It’s go-go-go. (Yeehaw.)

Currently it’s two-thirty in the afternoon. Today’s blog is number 450 (in a row), and I’m writing it now because I’m going to a wedding reception this evening and plan to party hardy. The wedding itself was earlier today (at noon), just down the street from our house. (I walked there and back.) And whereas it was a beautiful wedding (truly), it was also a Catholic mass, which means it lasted a long time and involved a lot of standing and sitting, a lot of repeating, “Lord, hear our prayer.” Honestly, it was difficult for me to pay attention. I used to work at weddings as a photographer, and after about a hundred, they stopped being riveting. Plus, today’s mass was mostly in Spanish, and I don’t speak Spanish.

In short, my mind wandered.

Yesterday I wrote about my search for the constellation Cassiopeia, part of my recent fascination with our solar system. I’ve really been wanting to understand why stars and planets move or appear to move the way they do. Last night I looked up a model of the universe online and found a site that shows where the planets currently are. In one diagram, the sun was shown in the middle, in another, the earth. This was extremely enlightening, seeing the universe from both an outside and an on-the-ground perspective, and it really helped me understand why this planet is over here and that planet is over there.

This is all I could think about in church earlier today, the planets and their orbits. Normally planets move through the constellations (the zodiac) on the ecliptic (the planetary racetrack) from west to east, but sometimes they seem to move from east to west. This is called retrograde motion, and I learned last night that it’s an illusion that occurs when a faster moving (inner) planet passes a slower moving (outer) one. This same illusion happens when you speed past someone on the highway. You’re both technically moving forward, but relative to you, the other person or car appears to be moving backwards.

Still trying to get a picture of how the whole thing works, I imagined during the wedding that the sanctuary was our solar system. I thought, What if the sun were in the middle of the room, and I (as the earth) were orbiting around it? What would another planet to the left or right of me look like? What if they were on the other side of the room, “eclipsed” by the sun? And then it hit me–the universe is like a dance floor!–all the planets looping around the sun counterclockwise, each on its own path, some spinning right as they go (Venus, Uranus) and some spinning left (all the others). I thought, It makes perfect sense. Some planets dance solo and others dance with partners (moons).

Like one big cosmic Two-Step.

We’re all equal on life’s dance floor.

Yesterday I was reminded of an affirmation that I’m quite fond of–“Everything is happening in divine right order.” To me this means that the planets and yes, even you and I, are on our proper paths. Not that everything is predetermined, but rather that we are all where we are meant to be–the universal dance floor!–and the rules of dance apply. Here it doesn’t matter if you spin right, spin left, dance solo, or grab a partner. What matters is that you’re dancing. Some days you’ll dance quick, some days you’ll dance slow. At times, others will appear to pass you by. Don’t let this upset you. It’s an illusion. We’re all equal on life’s dance floor. Each of us–at best–is simply, fabulously whirling around in circles–circles that have nowhere to go or be other than right here, right now–circles with no beginning and no end.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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It’s okay to ask for help.

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