Currently I’m in Tulsa. This afternoon I visited a friend in the nursing home then did some window shopping. Well, I did buy a sock cap from a favorite vintage clothing store of mine that’s apparently closing their brick and mortar store. “The owner is moving everything online,” the clerk said.
Everything changes.
At one antique store I found a set of unique bookends that weren’t priced, so I asked the owner if they were for sale. “Yes,” he said, “for twenty-five dollars.” Well, since this was more than I wanted to spend, I said, “Thank you.” But then I added, “Would you take twenty?” Unfortunately, he said no. “I shouldn’t,” he said, “twenty-five really is a deal.” And whereas he was probably being honest–I looked up similar bookends online later, and most of them were north of fifty or sixty dollars–I still walked away from the purchase. Just because something is a deal, doesn’t mean you have to buy it.
Along these lines, my therapist says, “Just because you have a skill, doesn’t mean you have to use it.” For example, I’m good at teaching dance. I know that about myself. But despite the fact that I’ve invested a lot of time and money in dance–and still teach now and then–it’s not what I want to do forever. My heart and soul were in it at one time, but they’re elsewhere now, in writing and other creative endeavors. I’ll always love dancing–I’m going to a swing dance shortly–but it’s not what I want to do professionally forever.
Everything changes.
On the way to town today I started listening to a lecture by Caroline Myss called The Power of Modern Day Spell Casters. (It’s available for free when you sign up for her newsletter here.) So far, it’s glorious, and challenging. The idea is that any belief you have that directs your spirit and behavior qualifies as a spell that you’re under. For example, I’ve spoken before about going to dances out of town and feeling insecure in a big way–because I’m not the best dancer in the room, because strangers don’t talk to me, ask me to dance, or compliment me. In short, I show up to a perfectly neutral dance hall and make it all about me. But getting back to the point, the only reason I do this is because I’m under a spell, because I’ve bought into the beliefs that my value has something to do with my dance ability and that perfect strangers should affirm me verbally.
How do you break a spell? According to Myss, you change the rules of the game. You change your behavior. For me, this would mean going up to strangers at dances rather than waiting on them to come up to me. It would mean given them compliments. In short, it would mean setting the tone for my own life and taking responsibility for my own fun.
Since the beginning, every time I write a blog I categorize it. I have over a dozen categories that blogs fall into on a regular basis–including Abundance, Letting Go, and Therapy and Healing–but, by far, the category I use the most is Perspective. And whereas early on I used Perspective as my “I don’t know what else to call it” category, I’ve come to believe it’s the most important. Because your perspective, how you see yourself, others, and the world around you, is everything. This is big, so I’m going to say it again.
How you see yourself, others, and the world around you is everything.
Myss explains perspective or perception like this. If you lived on the first story of a high-rise building in New York City and all you ever did was look out your window, you’d think the world was smelly, dirty, smoggy, and generally gross. But if you lived on the top floor of that same building and all you ever did was look out your window, you’d think the world was vast, full of lights and stars, and generally glorious. Either way you’d be in the same building, and either way–at least in your world–you’d be right.
In this analogy, the building is you–where you were born, who your parents are, how tall you are, how old you are. The floor you’re on is your perceptions, the beliefs or spells that run your life. Ground floor beliefs come from our tribes, religions, and families–we’re not like them, you can only make so much money, you are a worm. Top floor beliefs come from our souls–all is one, the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains, you are a child of God. And whereas you can’t change buildings, you can change floors. You can change the way you see things. The deal, however, is that once you change your perspective, you have to be ready for everything else to shift too. As I’ve said before, my world (including my friends, possessions, and finances) has been turned upside down since I really got serious, got in therapy, and started daily reflection with this blog.
Usually people say, “Everything changes” and mean, “Everything changes–and that’s a shame.” But the perspective you want to hold on to as you consciously change beliefs, break spells, and ascend floors is, “Everything changes–and that’s okay.” The view is better at the top.
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Whereas I've always pictured patience as a sweet, smiling, long-haired lady in a white dress, I'm coming to see her as a frumpy, worn-out old broad with three chins. You know--sturdy--someone who's been through the ringer and lived to tell about it.
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