This morning I woke up an hour sooner than I’d intended and couldn’t go back to sleep. I guess I got used to waking up earlier during my recent travels, and I’m blaming my Albuquerque Alarm Clock, otherwise known as my rambunctious (and adorable) nephews. Anyway, I took the opportunity to start the day slowly, to NOT–for once–hit the ground running. First I lay in bed and practiced deep breathing, tuning into the parts of my body where I hold tension, which is almost everywhere. Then I got out of bed and did a few stretches. And whereas none of it was miraculous, I did feel myself let go “slightly.”

I’m telling myself, A little progress is good progress.

Recently I read a book about tight muscles in the pelvis, and the authors said the same thing, that a little letting go, a little relaxation, is huge because you’re training the body to be in a relaxed state and not a tense one. So several times a day I’ve been checking in with my body and my mind. Am I relaxed? Am I breathing deeply? Where can I let go–just a little?

Retraining myself in this way is quite the challenge. While making breakfast this morning, I kept fighting the tendency to be doing other things–checking my phone, rearranging the knickknacks on the counter. I’m so used to being busy. But these tendencies and behaviors are just habits, and I can learn new habits. This is an idea that’s been running around in my head for a while now, that THERE ARE other ways of thinking, there are other ways of BEING in this world.

If something’s not working for you, you CAN change.

Currently it’s 12:45 PM. My natural inclination or HABIT would be to make this a longer blog, then JUMP into the shower, then rush to work. (I’m helping some friends pack today. Thank God they are respectable people. They said, “Let’s start at two in the afternoon.” None of this god-forsaken eight-in-the-morning shit.) Anyway, instead I’m doing my level best to make this short and to the point, so that I can have time to shower and such. My point is I’m trusting that this small change will–at some point–have a domino effect. Likewise, I’m trusting that a little relaxation done consistently–at some point–will have a domino effect.

Yesterday in my book about alchemy and mysticism, I read that historic and medieval paintings often use ladders, like Jacob’s ladder, to depict the idea that personal and spiritual growth always happen in stages. Spiral staircases are used to convey the same idea–transformation is a “slow and winding” path, never a straight one. And it’s always hard work, climbing. Notice it wasn’t Jacob’s escalator. Led Zeppelin didn’t say, “And she’s buying AN ELEVATOR to heaven.” No, this work happens slowly. It’s one crooked step, then another crooked step.

So in this manner, I continue to climb.