Yesterday I felt crummy and went to bed with a splitting headache. Thankfully, it went away. Not thankfully, I woke up sick today. I guess it’s been coming on for a few days now–sinus junk, lethargy. I always assume it’s a sinus infection, although it’s been over a year since I’ve had a full-blown one. This morning I thought, What if it’s the dreaded f word? What if it’s the flu? When I told my mom that, she said, “Bite your tongue.” But seriously, the flu is awful. I had it twice last year, and part of me thinks it started like this, with me getting a little hot at night. That being said, I don’t currently have a fever, nor am I aching, so we’ll see. That’s all we can do.

I’ve spent most of the day in bed, either resting or reading. That’s one “nice” thing about being sick–you give yourself permission to do all the things that would be nice to do otherwise–read a book, watch a movie, stop bathing. Although I’m going to have to drag myself to the tub at some point. Or at least change shirts. This one, which I’ve had on for four days, is starting to stink. (But think how easy laundry will be this weekend.) But back to bathing. If I can find the energy, it would be good to shave. I can–I can find the energy.

I hate it when personal grooming requires a pep talk.

Another “nice” thing about being sick is that it’s forcing me to slow down. My shoulder’s been bothering me for weeks now, and I think I’ve been aggravating it at the gym. But I didn’t go to the gym today. Instead, I rested. The most work my shoulder did today was lifting my mug of hot green tea to my mouth and setting it back down twenty or thirty times (grrr). And, despite the fact that I overall feel like poop, my shoulder does feel better. Likewise, the psoriasis that’s been plaguing my right elbow for months has all but disappeared. Weird how one part of your body can be falling apart at the same time another part is coming together.

This afternoon while putting on a pair of shorts I noticed that my left leg, the one I had knee surgery on, is significantly smaller than my right. I’ve been told this is normal, that it takes a full year to get your size back. Initially, I was bothered about my skinny-looking leg. However, as I’ve thought about it today, I’ve realized it’s just part of the process, that it’s probably a good thing, since the fact that I’m noticing a difference means the swelling has gone down. Plus, the damn thing works. I can walk now. Yes, I’ve come a long way in two months. Granted, I have a long way to go in the next ten, but that doesn’t negate my progress.

Progress, that’s another thing I’ve been thinking about today. I’ve spent the last two months not drinking and the last month eating like a health nut in order to help my body heal. I take vitamins daily and am consistently scouring the internet and books in search of information about how to clear up my skin and sinuses. So getting sick, especially since I was sick so much last year, feels like a big punch in my vegetable-digesting gut. Like, what’s the use? However, I haven’t completely slid down that slippery slope today. Rather, I’ve been reminding myself that there’s a lot going around right now, and I’m not Superman. Everyone gets sick. As Byron Katie says, “It’s my turn.”

And if it is the flu, I’m almost guaranteed to lose a few pounds.

The book I finished today was Drop Dead Healthy by AJ Jacobs and is one of the most informative and hilarious things I’ve read in years. It chronicles the two-year journey of Jacobs, who attempts to be the healthiest man in the world. The consummate professional and journalist, Jacobs quotes countless doctors and scientists, as well as his aunt, an organic-eating, microwave-hating germaphobe. And whereas Jacobs pokes fun at her, he does say she went eight years without getting sick. Alas, toward the end of Jacobs’ journey, his aunt contracts cancer and dies, which Jacobs admits is ironic, since she was hypervigilant about her health. The point being that you can do everything “right” and still get sick. Everyone dies. Not that you shouldn’t make an effort to be well, but everyone dies.

Whatever this is, I do plan on making an effort. In the event it’s an sinus infection, I’m doing all my sinus infection things. If it’s something worse (despite the weight loss possibility, I really hope it’s not), I’m drinking lots of fluids and getting plenty of rest. I’m taking oregano! Having come through hell with my body last year, it’s tempting to think, AGAIN?! But as much as is possible I’m trying to accept this for what it is–nothing personal, something that happens to everyone, just a bump in the road. Certainly it’s something I can handle. I’ve been down bumpy roads before.