Despite yesterday’s onslaught of emotions, I’ve been simply dandy today. Not over the moon, mind you, but–what’s the word?–even-keeled, middle of the emotional road, “generally content” as my therapist would say. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep will do. And a nap–I took a nap this afternoon–that helped. God, we ARE a sleep-deprived nation. This morning I watched a promo video about a new (and popular) gym class–fifteen minutes of exercise followed by thirty minutes of honest-to-god napping.

Sign me up.

I haven’t been outside once today. Rather, I’ve spent the entire day either talking about or researching swing dancing. I’ve completely used up my laptop battery twice in the last twelve hours. My brain is full of information about Lindy Hop and everything even slightly associated with it. No wonder I haven’t been emotional–I’ve been too focused on other things to focus on myself. (What a relief.)

This is actually one of the ideas behind meditation–concentrate on your breath, repeat a spiritual passage or mantram, whatever–just give your monkey mind SOMETHING to play with. Because if you don’t–chances are–it’s going to play with old reliable–

Your problems.

My therapist says that early in life we develop “neural pathways,” which are basically “old reliable,” habits of thinking and reacting. So something “bad” happens, and you start to worry–because that’s your brain groove. You’ve worried a thousand times before. Probably since breakfast. You’ve got this patterned way of looking at life, and it feels natural, since it is natural for you. You think, This is awful. But someone else with a different rut in their noggin might think, This is wonderful–the best news ever.

As I understand it, it’s possible to work yourself out of an unproductive mental ditch into a healthier one. This is something I’ve been working on the last several years–trying, trying, trying to worry less and trust more. My therapist keeps telling me, “The universe is abundant–all your hard work is going to pay off–everything will work out for you.” Some days–I swear–she sounds like a broken record, but this is apparently what’s required to help rebuild my mental highway.

Earlier this evening I finished the project I started a few weeks ago–going back and individually numbering all of my blog posts (blog #30, blog #31, etc.). I was so overwhelmed when I started–I didn’t even want to mess with it–but it ended up being the easiest thing. One day I’d do five posts, the next day I’d do ten. A little here, a little there. Tonight I did the final hundred, just because I had the time. My point is this–we make such a big production out of our lives. We think, I have to STOP worrying, turn my emotions around NOW, build a better brain highway THIS INSTANT. (Or is that just me?) But this thinking is bullshit, since we have the option to do things in pieces.

There’s a saying from an old movie I used to watch that’s been forever stuck in my head–“Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard, it’s very hard.” I hate this. I’d much rather work by the yard–give me a sledgehammer any day–let’s get this damn thing over with. But in my experience, this strategy doesn’t work for personal and spiritual growth. (You can’t take a sledgehammer to your soul.) Go figure–your personal hurts, habits, and hangups didn’t develop overnight, and they won’t go away overnight either. (This applies to your waistline as well, I’m sorry to report.) So we do things in pieces. We work a little here, a little there. It’s simple.

We move inch by inch.
We remain steady.
We traverse great distances.