Today’s (a)musings–

1. The whole fam damily

This afternoon about two o’clock, me, my aunt, my parents, and their dog piled into my car, Tom Collins, in order to drive to Albuquerque, where my sister lives. We have so much shit, it took two tries–one by my dad and one by me–to pack everything into the back. In addition to bags and bags of luggage, we have pillows and blankets, grocery sacks full of snacks, a cooler of drinks, two CPAP machines (for those who have sleep apnea), three Rubbermaid tubs of prescription medications, and one tote entirely dedicated to hair products. This is what happens when three senior citizens and a homosexual travel together.

As my aunt said, “We’re crammed in here like sardines.”

2. Taking our damn time

So far the trip has gone well, although we’re stopping every hour and a half to stretch because half the car has restless leg syndrome. Plus, no one has a large bladder. Our second stop of the day was just after five o’clock, and that was to see my aunt’s son–my cousin–and his family. They fed us dinner, my aunt played with her grandkids (I did too–we jumped in the bounce-around and used their telescope to look at the craters of the moon), and I even got a nap in. We were there five hours. All this to say that it “should” take eleven hours to get to Albuquerque from Fort Smith, but we’ll probably do it in twenty and will definitely be driving through the night.

Oh well, what’s our hurry?

3. What’s that d-a-m-n smell?

My aunt, who’s in her seventh decade, still spells curse words. Earlier she said, “My A double S” is sore. It seems like every thirty minutes SOMEONE bitches or gripes about how little room we have or how they can’t get comfortable. Just now my aunt said, “Marcus, I’ve got to do something. This sewing bag [her sewing bag] is in my way.” I replied, “Feeling good about all that s-h-i-t you brought NOW?”

Currently it’s 1:23 in the morning, my dad is driving, and my aunt and I in the backseat. I’d prefer to be driving, but I can’t drive AND blog at the same time. My dad and my aunt are talking about an extremely large cross in Groom, Texas. I guess they have a bet about who will see it first. Otherwise, my aunt and I are betting about who keeps farting–my dad or the dog. Dad says it’s the dog, so I’m betting it’s him.

4. Trying to have some damn fun

Yesterday evening I met three of my friends from high school for dinner. Well, we met first for coffee, then we went for dinner. (It was a marathon catch-up session.) Anyway, at the coffee shop I ordered a piece of banana bread, and the girl at the cash register said, “Do you want that for here or to-go?”

I said, “For here because I want to put it in my mouth as soon as possible.”

She laughed then said, “May I have a name for your order?”

“For my banana bread?” I said. “Let’s call him Jack.”

“That’s creative,” she smiled, and typed it in. Then when I got my receipt, in big bold letters, it said, “Jack.” This is honestly one of the most exciting things that’s happened in my life lately.

I need to get laid.

5. Damn, I’m tired

Now it’s 1:55 in the morning, and I don’t know why all my headings involve the word “damn.” I’m exhausted. We just passed the giant cross in Groom, Texas, and we’re stopping in seven miles to stretch our legs, pee, and hopefully eat something. My aunt is starting to get silly. She just finished singing the children’s song “The Farmer in the Dell.” I think “the dog” just farted. (Help me.) This evening I’ve had a phrase stuck in my head that I heard on a tape about spiritual healing–“God is able to work in all situations.” Surely that includes this car, this trip, this life of mine.

Surely.