This morning, about four, before the sun even came up, the dog I’m sitting went absolutely bat-shit crazy barking at something outside the bedroom window. It was probably a skunk, but for all I know it could have been a robber. Sound asleep before the barking started, I was suddenly awakened and extremely startled. It was like one of those dreams when your teeth fall out or you pee on yourself. (What, don’t you have those?) Terrifying. Eventually, I fell back asleep. However, two hours later the dog was whining, ready to go for a walk. So off we went. When we returned, I went back to sleep (again). Until my alarm went off two hours later.

Because of my erratic sleep schedule this week, I haven’t felt fresh as a daisy today. Now it’s just before eleven at night, and I’m ready to pass out. Maybe I can finish this in under five hundred words. Hell, considering how tired I am, I’m not sure I can finish this paragraph.

I’m gonna try.

The day itself has been fabulous. I spent this morning with a friend whom I helped with a computer problem, and we laughed, laughed, laughed while sitting on their porch. The weather was gorgeous. Then I exercised. Then I visited with a friend at their soon-to-be-opened art gallery. Talk about inspirational–people who have a dream and make it happen. Anyway, then I put together a porch bench for some other friends, then I ate fajitas (I love fajitas), then I taught a dance lesson. Phew.

This morning I read a quote by (my man) Joseph Campbell that said, “The rules of love, they really are severe. If you’re giving up everything for something, then give up everything for something and stay with it with your mind on where you’re going.” To me this means that if you’re committed to an idea–becoming a (full-time, paid) writer, for example–fucking do it. Give up everything. Sell your shit, live with your parents, wake up at six to walk dogs, do whatever you’ve got to do to make your dreams come true. If you’re really in love with whatever it is you’re pursuing (and which in turn and in truth is probably pursuing you), go for it. Give it your best shot. Nothing else will satisfy.

I sometimes tell people that I believe being a writer is why I’ve been put on this earth. Sometimes I call it a dream, a goal, or a desire, but the truth is that–I think–it’s why I’m here. Once a family friend referred to my writing as “a hobby,” and I wanted to come out of my skin. Not that it’s my job to convince anyone else that this isn’t a hobby but rather my soul’s calling, but that’s really how strongly I feel about it. It’s why I often say that if I DON’T pursue this, I know I’ll get to the end of my life and have regret.

This is not acceptable.

After reading Campbell’s quote this morning, I started thinking about what the world has to offer. And whereas I certainly haven’t even scratched the surface of what there is to see and do on planet earth, it’s not like I’ve spent the last thirty-eight years sitting on a couch either. I’ve jumped out of planes, gone down zip lines, rafted rivers, sailed yachts on foreign seas, eaten some fabulous food, danced my ass off, made love, and enjoyed the company of friends and family. Well, guess what? Nothing is ever enough. I want more. And yet I know I could spend the next thirty-eight years pursuing and achieving everything in the outer world and still not be fully content. For if I’m not pursuing my inner world, what’s the outer world amount to?

Squat, that’s what.

Personally, I think the word purpose if overused. I also think the words passion and calling are overused, but I don’t know any other words to use instead. My point is that there’s got to be SOMETHING in your life that gives it some sort of definition and texture, something deep down that MOVES you, something you’re willing to give up everything for. To be clear, this can’t be an occupation, nor can it be another person. If you think your reason for being on this earth is a specific job, what will you do when you get fired from it? If you think your reason for being on this earth is another person, what will you do when they move away or die? No, there’s gotta be something within that animates you in such a way that the entire world could fall apart and you’d still be excited to get up and think about, get up and do. This a question only you can answer–What really satisfies my soul?