A Stellar Interior (Blog #585)

Several brief things from the last twenty-four hours because I need to get ready for bed–

1. A stellar interior

Today I had lunch with a friend who studied physics in college, and when I brought up my interest in astronomy, they said, “Let me tell you about a stellar interior,” that is, what a star is made of and how and why it produces matter and generates heat. And whereas this information was fascinating, the only thing I could think about was how that phrase–a stellar interior–describes perfectly what I want for myself, an inside that’s strong, integrated, confident, calm, and kind.

2. A den of thieves

Currently I’m reading a book by Ervin Seale, and he says the biblical story of Jesus flipping his shit and throwing the money-changers out of his father’s temple is an analogy about our minds. Like, our minds should be a place of peace (a temple), but can’t be when we allow worries and anxieties (thieves and robbers) to enter in, take up residence, and do business there. I love the idea of picturing your mind as a building occupied by different types of people (or thoughts or beliefs). I especially love the idea of throwing some of these “people” out, of saying, “Wait a damn minute, who let you in here!?”

3. An ass for every seat

This afternoon I drove a friend to pick up a new car and ended up chatting with their salesman. When I commented about the HUGE number of cars on his company’s lot, he said that an old car dealer once told him, “There’s an ass for every seat.” To me this means not only that there’s a driver for every car, but also that there’s someone for everyone (for friendship or romance) and something (a job, a home, a dream) for everyone as well.

As Grandpa used to say, “It’s a big old world.”

4. A big old snake

Last night I dreamed that while traveling through a swamp I was suddenly aware of a giant snake. Initially terrified, I kept traveling. Meanwhile, the snake traveled too, right beside me, face to face. Eventually, I experienced a shift in mood. Not like I was relaxed, but like I was “okay.” The snake wasn’t going to bite me.

As far as I recall, this is my first-ever dream about a snake. And whereas Freud would say it was phallic (everything was phallic with Freud), for me the dream was about power (snakes are strong), attitude (snakes are clever and pick their battles), and transformation (snakes shed their skin). I don’t know–sometimes when you’re in an icky place in life (a swamp), it’s easy to forget that certain parts of you can actually thrive in less-than-ideal environments, that you yourself are strong and clever and capable of transformation and navigating murky waters.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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If you think only girls cry or that crying is inappropriate for some reason, fuck you. Some things are too damn heavy to hold on to forever.

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