Hum. Where are we going today?

Let’s find out.

This morning I woke up at 7:30(!), and before my feet even hit the floor, I was smiling. Crap, I thought, I hope I’m not becoming a morning person. Seriously, 7:30 is early for me, y’all, but I knew I had a lot going on today, which is why I decided last night to set my alarm for 8:00 this morning–and why, apparently, my body woke me up even earlier than that. Anyway, I got up, got dressed, made breakfast, and headed to work at my friend’s rent house. And whereas my goal was to finish yesterday’s painting project (the living room), after four hours I’d only ALMOST finished it. Alas, I was out of time and nearly out of paint. Of course, my inner perfectionist was disappointed, but the part of me that wanted to take a shower and get on with the day was quite pleased.

There’s no hurry, it said. We’ll finish it later!

And so we shall.

Currently it’s the afternoon, almost evening, and I’m blogging now because I’m going out with a friend later for dinner and a show. Just a bit ago I stopped at the dry cleaners to pick up some items I dropped off for alterations last week. Simple enough stuff, I thought–a pair of shorts that needed a button sewn back on (too much pizza, I guess), and a cloth belt that needed two new D-rings sewn in.

I’ll explain.

Since I had my estate sale almost three years ago, I haven’t owned a belt. And whereas I wish I’d kept one specific belt, somehow I’ve gotten along just fine without one. Anyway, a couple weeks ago I bought a pair of shorts, and they came with this cloth belt, one of those ones with two D-rings on one end. You know, the adjustable kind (for those of us who like pizza). The plain end goes around your waist, through both rings, then double backs through just one of them.

Well, I’ll be damned if one of those D-rings didn’t snap in half the first time I tried to take the belt off.

No kidding.

Not one to be easily defeated, rather than throw the belt away, I decided to have it repaired. Here’s how. First I went to a local thrift store and bought a cheap cloth belt with two (solid) D-rings for fifty cents. (Talk about a bargain.) Then I cut the new D-rings out and, along with the one D-ring belt, took them to the cleaners and explained–“Please take this old ring out of the belt, then sew both these other rings in.”

“Sounds simple,” the lady said.

Well, get this shit. As I just said, earlier I picked up my shorts and belt. And whereas the shorts were fine, the belt wasn’t. They sewed a D-ring into EACH END of the belt. Ugh. Instead of having a “male” end and a “female” end, I ended up with two female ends. THEY TURNED MY BELT INTO A LESBIAN!

I can’t tell you how unamused I was.

“Do you want us to fix it?” the girl said.

“Uh, yeah I do,” I said.

Y’all, I hate to admit that this little kerfuffle upset me more than I wish it had. Seriously, for a good forty-five minutes, I was like, What the hell? How could anyone imagine that this setup would work? (No offense, lesbians.) Maybe it’s because I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Or the fact that my body hurts. Or just that I don’t deal with stupid very well. (Not very well at all, I’m afraid to say.) Regardless, my inner perfectionist wasn’t having it. What a waste of time and money, he said.

Now. Yesterday I talked about trying to feel better, just a little better than you currently do. My therapist says, “I practice what I preach,” so I figured I should too. That is, I gave myself a moment to be pissed off, then I started thinking of my friend and the show I’ll be seeing later. That helped. Then I started this blog and was honest as I knew how to be. (I’ve heard the truth will set you free.) Well, in telling the story, I cracked a few jokes, and THAT helped (I think I’m pretty funny). Now none of this seems like a big deal. I’m like, So what? (Sew what?) I’ll have to go back to the cleaners next week. I could meet my future husband there. Or find twenty dollars on the ground. THEN how would I feel about The Great Lesbian Belt Mistake of 2019?

Um, grateful.

Somewhere I heard that until the age of four, children don’t differentiate smells as good or bad. This is why they can play with shit or vomit and not gag. They don’t find gross smells gross. They just find them “interesting.” I think there’s something to being able to be neutral like this. For example, instead of getting personally offended by the dry cleaners’ (stupid) mistake, I could have thought, Well, isn’t that fascinating? People do the darndest (stupidest) things. Currently I’m at a coffee shop, and a number of the decorations on the wall are crooked as a dog’s hind leg. The lamp shade across the room is tilted. My inner perfectionist is going nuts. However, a part of me remains neutral. My inner creative thinks, That tilted shade looks like a turned-up hat! This is what happens when you get neutral, when you want to feel good. Life becomes interesting.