Last night I stayed up til four in the morning in hopes of caching the super moon, blue moon, full moon eclipse, but my body said no. Still, I set my alarm for six this morning, and when I dragged myself out of bed and looked out my window, there was the moon–mid-eclipse. Two hours before my intention was to put on some clothes, go outside, and watch this spectacular event in the freezing cold for an entire hour. But standing in my underwear in my warm bedroom, I thought, Screw that, and went back to bed. I woke up two more times in the next thirty minutes to look out my window. The last time, I couldn’t see the moon–at all. Later, when I crawled out of bed just before noon, I thought, Maybe in another four hundred years.

Yesterday I checked out four books from the library. Well, five, but four of them were about marketing. (The other one was about quantum physics and the nature of reality.) Anyway, I’ve been working with this swing dance event as their marketing director and have had my eye on one of the books for the last couple weeks. But then I started looking through the marketing section thinking, THAT looks interesting and THAT looks interesting, so now I have so many books on my nightstand that I look like a college student.

Next thing you know, I’ll have to buy a backpack.

I read one of the marketing books last night. Today I made my way through half of one of the others. (I love learning.) Now my mind is flooded with ideas. Why I never thought to focus my attention in this way when I owned my own business, I don’t know. Maybe I was just too close to it, too overwhelmed by being an owner/operator/instructor/janitor. Maybe the material makes sense now BECAUSE of my past successes and failures. Regardless, information comes to you when it comes to you. And no matter what I’m getting out of this project officially, I really am having fun, and I’m learning things that I can only assume will serve me–and hopefully others–for the rest of my life.

Now it’s four in the afternoon. In four short hours, I’ll be performing with my improv comedy group, The Razorlaughs, at local restaurant. We’re being “given a shot” on one of their slow nights–a trial run of sorts. If tonight goes well–if people show up, buy food, take advantage of their drink specials, and (oh yeah) have a good time–it could become a regular thing. I’m only slightly nervous, by which I mean I feel like throwing up and going to the bathroom all over myself. My mom asked me if I was ready, and I said, “Well, it’s improv, which by definition means I can’t be.” That being said, our group does have a plan. We know which “games” we are going to play, who will participate in each scene, and–most importantly–what we are wearing. I feel fortunate to be working with an extremely talented group, so things should go well.

I can let you know how it turns out, or–better yet–come join us.

Earlier I had a choice to spend the afternoon working on the swing dance event or spend it journaling, meditating, and working on the blog. I chose to do the latter, reminding myself that these are the MOST important things I currently do. They matter more than ANYTHING else. I thought, Take care of yourself first, Marcus. You’ll have time for the rest later. This “first things first” idea has been on my mind lately. Yesterday I blogged earlier than normal so I could watch a movie with a friend. We ended up visiting until midnight, and I was better able to enjoy myself because I wasn’t thinking, I really need to get home and talk to myself on the internet. Likewise, I’m imaging the improv show will go better tonight because I will be able give it more of my attention.

People say you can’t pour someone else a drink from an empty picture and that you should put your own oxygen mask on first. I’ve always thought this sounded nice, but I’m coming to really believe it, and it’s part of the reason I think the swing dancing event can wait a day or two. It’s the reason I put so much time and attention into therapy and this blog. I really want to get my shit sorted out. Not so I can say, “Look at me and all my neatly-sorted shit.” But because sorting your shit out clears the way for a better future, not only for you, but also for everyone else you come in contact with. It puts the past where it belongs–the past–and leaves you present, right here, right now.