Today I’ve been thinking about options and the idea that we always have them. This morning I saw my primary care physician, whom I saw for the first time several months ago and–honestly–wasn’t crazy about. Er, I wasn’t crazy about his bedside manner. Still, he was on top of my test results, and a couple people I trust, including my therapist, suggested giving him another chance. So I thought, What the hell? But on my way to his office this morning I kept imagining some sort of confrontation, him being an asshole or something. But then I thought, Even if he is, Marcus, you’ve got options. You can stand up for yourself. You can ask him to change his tone of voice. You can listen. You can storm out and flip him the bird.
You know, options.
Despite all my fretting, my appointment with my doctor went fabulously. Indeed, he was much warmer than he was before. Or maybe I was. Regardless, we got along. What’s more, he patiently and attentively answered all my questions and addressed my concerns. What’s even more, he took an aggressive approach to one of my longstanding issues (acid reflux) and suggested I see a specialist. “If you don’t hear from them within a week, call me,” he said.
So often I worry about my health problems and think, It’s hopeless. I’ve tried everything. And sure, I HAVE tried everything that I’ve tried. But more and more I realize that I haven’t even come close to trying everything in the world. I mean, think about it. Our planet is chockfull of information and the experiences of other people, people like you and me who have struggled and–finally–found an answer, people who are just waiting to share. And whereas what works for one person may not work for another, it may. (I’ll say it again.) It may. This is why lately I’ve been especially sold on the idea of talking to others about the problems in my life that I want solved. Normally I’m so “I’ll do it myself, damn it,” but the older I get the more I’m convinced I can’t think of everything. I can’t do everything myself. I NEED others, especially experts in their respective fields, to pass along new ideas, new options, new hope.
To remind me that all is not yet lost.
One thing I’ve noticed about me is that I often put off trying something I think will help because, well, what if it doesn’t work? I’ll have this ace up my sleeve–a home remedy or a new doctor, let’s say–but I wont use it because I imagine that if THIS THING doesn’t work, nothing will. Which, of course, would send me into the pit of despair, and since I don’t want to go there, I don’t try the thing. Alas, this applies not only to my health issues, but also to my business and creative adventures, even my dating life. I don’t want to be disappointed, so I’m not even going to try.
As you know, dear reader, a thought like this is very logical in your head. But not so logical on paper. Because if I don’t try–if you don’t try–then guess what? That’s right, barring divine intervention, a Damascus Road experience, nothing is going to change.
Yes, let’s hear it for trying. Better said, let’s hear it for not giving up. (Hip, hip, hooray!) Thomas Edison knew something about not giving up. He attempted to create the lightbulb 1,000 times before he got it right. 1,000 times! 1,000 “failures” or disappointments. And yet he kept trying, kept hoping, kept believing. In possibility. In answers to tough problems. In himself. Ugh. This is the the hardest thing, to continue to persevere when the proverbial door is slammed in your face over and over again. And yet look what one person–one person!–can do when they decide to stick with it. When they see OPTIONS instead of LIMITATIONS. Wow! They can light up the world.
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"You can't change your age, but you can change what your age means to you."
