Two days ago I spilled hot tea on my phone, so I shut it off, took the battery out, and put it in rice to dry out. This morning I put everything back together, and–thankfully–it’s worked fabulously ever since. That being said, I have to say it was really nice going without my phone all day yesterday. It was nice waking up this morning and not immediately being bombarded by text messages, missed calls, and whatever the hell Facebook had to say. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed just waking up slowly, then (later) eating breakfast quietly–without having to think about anyone else’s good news or bad news. I’d like to make this a habit–not looking at my phone until I’m ready to face whatever it has to say.

You know, like when I’m awake.

This afternoon I started painting the dining room at the house I’ve been working on for several weeks now. While painting I thought about how I could reasonably unplug a bit more. For the longest time I’ve done my best to unsubscribe from newsletters that don’t truly interest me. I keep my phone on silent. Still, I check it constantly, if only to see what time it is or play a certain song. But you know how it goes. You get sucked in. So today I thought, I could uninstall Facebook. Just check it on my laptop. Then I thought, Eeek. I don’t know if I’m that strong. It does come in really handy for sending messages. So I took a baby step instead. I turned off push notifications, those annoying pop up messages that tell you every time someone mentions you, comments on a post you’re following, or goes to the bathroom.

In terms of areas in which I’ve grown the most since starting therapy, believe it or not, my phone tops the list. What I mean is that I used to think every time someone called or texted me, I OWED them an immediate reply. Now–in most cases–I think, I don’t owe them anything. I’ll reply when I’m ready, if at all. If I want to. Anyway, if you’re wanting to have better boundaries, either with someone specific or the world in general, your phone is a great place to start. If you’re used to replying immediately, wait. An hour, until dinner’s over, until tomorrow. Seriously, give it a shot. The world won’t fall apart.

In my experience with not replying so quickly, I’ve found that some of my friends have handled it well and others haven’t. Sometimes I get huffy reminder texts filled with question marks. “Helllooooo?????” And whereas I get it–I live in the same fast food/immediate gratification world that you do–chill out.

Personally, I like it when people freak out over silence, since it lets me know what kind of person I’m dealing with. Have I been that person who’s freaked out before? You’re damn right I have. But I’d rather someone take their time and come back with something honest and heartfelt than off the cuff. Caroline Myss tells a story about a nun whose bishop was pressing her to reply to an email he sent, but the nun said, “Hey, buddy, you had weeks to send my your email, and I’m taking the same amount of time to reply. My answer will affect a lot of people for years to come, and I need this time to reflect on my response.”

Wow. Talk about responsible.

This evening I had dinner with a dear friend of mine, and we both purposed to put our phones away while we were eating. We each made a couple exceptions, but it made the biggest difference. For over two hours we chatted and caught up with each other. We didn’t interrupt. Instead, we listened. We laughed. My point is that–and I speak from personal experience–it’s difficult to truly be present with another person (or even yourself) when you’re constantly on your phone, thinking about what’s going on out there instead of what’s going on right here, right now.