I don’t know why I’m smiling in today’s photo. It’s not like I feel fabulous. Lately I’ve just been going through the motions. This morning I got up early to meet a friend for lunch, which was lovely, and the sun even showed up for about five minutes. Imagine that–sunshine for the first time in over a week. But then the clouds took over again. Since injuring my leg, this is how my mood has been. Punctuated moments of sunlight–a smile here, some laughter there–followed by the clouds rolling back in.

Wah. Wah.

After lunch today I went to physical therapy. And whereas I showed up late (I had the appointment time wrong in my head), they fit me in. I really do like these folks–even when I’m scheduled to work with someone specific, they all chip in to help. Plus, everyone–the therapists, the patients–are in one big room together. I swear, it’s the best medicine, seeing people of all ages rehab-ing their broken parts. Today I met a teenage girl who tore her ACL while dancing (like me) and had the same surgery I did at the end of November. Anyway, she’s about three or four weeks ahead of me in terms of progress and her exercise regimen, and it was exciting for me to see a preview of coming attractions. (Except the part when her therapist bent her leg back and she said, “That hurts–everywhere.”)

When I got home from physical therapy, I took a nap. Naps, I’m finding, are the best thing ever, since I’m really not sleeping well at night. Every hour or two, my leg wakes me up. Then at some point, even though I’m tired, I can’t go back to sleep. But a good nap helps. This evening I slept for an hour and a half and woke up practically drooling. It was like I’d just come back from visiting another planet. I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.

Now it’s 10:30, and whenever I finish the blog, I’m going to my local gym to do more knee rehab. As my goal is to be there once a day for leg related stuff, I’m hoping that sooner or later I’ll pick up some biceps through osmosis. Wouldn’t that be great? Then maybe someone’s flat stomach could magically rub off on me. Or just rub on me, I’d settle for that. (That was a sex joke, Mom.) But seriously, even when I’m in a gloomy mood, I enjoy going to the gym, especially late at night when hardly anyone else is there. Then I can listen to my music, do my thing, and not be bothered.

Whenever I get overwhelmed by my emotions, I have to remind myself that just because I think a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because I feel something, doesn’t make it gospel. Like, a few good friends have checked in on me today, so this evening I’ve been reminding myself that I’m not alone even when I feel like I am. Likewise, I’ve been telling myself there’s significant progress that will happen over the next month (as evidenced by the girl I met this afternoon), even though I feel like my current limitations are permanent. And whereas my reminding myself of “the facts” doesn’t immediately change my mood, it does keep me from spiraling out of control. It does keep things from getting worse.