It’s 1:30 in the morning, and I just got home from a marathon dinner and catch-up session with my friends and old roommates Justin and Ashley. I swear, we just can’t have short conversations. Anyway, it was great; you should have been there. We solved the world problems. Well, Justin and I did. Ashley went to bed. Now that’s what I want to do. Hopefully I will soon. Go to bed, that is. I’ve already brushed my teeth and done all the nighttime things, so as soon as this blog is published–bam!–I plan to be out like a light.

Today–not just tonight–was delightful. This morning I woke up early and started the day slowly. My parents and I enjoyed breakfast together. Then since it’s my sister’s 40th birthday, I put together a list of 40 of my favorite memories/things I like about her. True confession–I got to number 8 and thought, How have I known this person my entire life and CAN’T REMEMBER anything else about them? But then my brain got on a roll, and I ended up having to cut the list down. Anyway, it was the best way to start the day. I mean, my childhood wasn’t pure shit, but it had plenty of challenges, challenges that often get discussed here or in therapy. So it was REALLY LOVELY recalling the best parts of my childhood and the person who’s been there with me through the thick and thin of it all.

But back to the part about not being able to come up with enough things for the list and then later coming up with too many things for it. This has been my experience with other list-making exercises. For example, a lot of self-help books ask you to list 10 things you’re grateful for, 25 things you like about yourself, or even 100 things you’re good at, and I always balk at these exercises at first. Like, I can’t. And yet I’ve always been able to come up with all the things. What this has taught me is that the mind is GREAT at making lists, and it really doesn’t give a shit about what kind of lists it makes. That is, if you ask your mind to find 10 things–or even 100–to complain about, your mind will GO TO WORK and give you what you’ve asked for. (And this is rotten, and this is terrible, and this sucks balls.) But the opposite is just as true. Ask your mind for 40 positive memories, and although it may slug along at first, especially if it’s used to looking for negative memories, it will eventually spit them out. (And that was super, and that was fabulous, and–oh yeah–THAT was the bee’s knees.) And not that the positive memories make the bad ones go away, but they at least bring balance.

In summary: Your mind will give you what you ask for–so be careful what you ask for.

The only thing I’ve currently asking for: sleep.