It’s six-thirty in the evening, and I’m headed to work (to dance) in an hour. I’ve spent the day exercising and reading. Mostly reading, since I’ve been pushing myself to finish an autobiography I started this last weekend. Just a while ago I sat down at home to write the blog, but the internet on my phone, which is also the internet I use for my laptop, was dragging ass. It was slower than Christmas! This tends to happen during the day when everyone else and their mother (no offense, Mom) are on the airwaves. That’s another reason why I’ve traditionally blogged at night–the internet is faster.

Slow internet is one of the MOST frustrating things I consistently run into with this project. Or any project. Earlier today I tried to watch some dance videos, but they wouldn’t download. Ugh. I’m so spoiled. What did people do before this miracle–high-speed internet–existed? (What?! They played outside? No way.) Anyway, since my life is plenty full of frustration already, I decided to leave the house and blog elsewhere. (Some problems have easy answers.) Now I’m at a local cafe and just ordered a smoothie, since, in addition to being frustrated, I’m apparently starving.

These two feelings–frustration and hunger–do not go well together .

Okay, I’m sipping on the smoothie and calming down. Everything’s going to be all right, Marcus. Everything is going to be all right.

Hum. I’m not sure exactly when this bad mood creeped up on me. Maybe it has to do with some of my dreams last night. Or the fact that I woke up early-early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. Or this new routine–going to bed and waking up sooner, drinking less coffee, working out–I’m trying to put into place. It has been my experience that whenever I try to whip myself into shape (that’s a rather graphic phrase, now that I think about it), “the old me” puts up a good fuss. What?! We’re not sleeping in anymore? We have to do push-ups?!

Boo. Hiss.

This afternoon I started looking over an exercise program that proposes to correct postural imbalances, something that’s a concern of mine. And whereas several of the elements of the program require a gym membership (which I don’t have), I’m telling myself that any information or progress is good information or progress and that I don’t have to incorporate every suggestion one-hundred percent in order to see benefits. As a recovering straight-A student and teacher’s pet, this shift in thinking is a big deal for me.

Huge.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point during the last 539 days, I started thinking of this blog as my job. Like, it’s not a hobby or something I do just for fun. It’s work, and I take my work seriously, which is why I continue to do it every day, every damn day. Granted, this work doesn’t have regular hours, but I’m trying to get it that way. Likewise, even though I don’t have a typical job or schedule, I’m trying to organize my daytime hours. Once my therapist told me, “If I’m not working, I’m working out,” and that’s been on my mind today, especially while exercising. She was talking about physical health, but to me her mantra means that you have to have a practice, a routine of some sort, if you want to see results in ANY area of your life. Considering my circumstances, maybe a better way for me to say it would be, “Even though I’m not working in the traditional sense, I’m working on myself (by exercising my body, mind, and soul).”