Last night I went out dancing in Dallas with my friend Bonnie to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the blog. The evening culminated about two-thirty in the morning at an all-night diner where the above picture was taken. I hesitated to post it because I think I look “clearly drunk,” but then again, I was. Not that I was falling down or anything, but I was certainly feeling good and loving life. Bonnie and I joked that the multi-colored squares on the wall behind me were reminiscent of The Partridge Family. I kept thinking, Come on get happy. Oh wait–I already am.

Honestly, the reason behind my happy expression wasn’t just the alcohol. Bonnie and I spent the evening dancing with some of God’s most mysterious and precious creatures–gay cowboys. The bar we went to is called The Roundup, and if you’ve never been there, it’s like stumbling into a roomful of unicorns–that is, two-stepping, line-dancing homosexuals. It really is a happy thing to see, a dance hall full of not only homos (which I can say because I am one), but also lesbians, heterosexuals, and even the occasional drag queen–or, as I like to call them all, people.

Last week when my mom asked me what I would be doing in Dallas, I said, “Dancing with gay cowboys.” I said it in passing as I was walking out of the living room and down the hall, but I could hear my dad say, “Judy, one day you’ll learn to not ask so many questions.” I tell this story because I almost didn’t write about my time at The Roundup on tonight’s blog, thinking people might prefer not to know that dancing, homosexual herdsman even exist. But Bonnie referred to gay clubs as “a sacred space,” a safe space where everyone is welcome and encouraged to dance with and show affection for anyone they want who’s mutually interested, and I think it’s important for people to know that happy places like this can be found.

In the south, even.

It really was a great night. There was two-stepping and line dancing until twelve-thirty or one in the morning, then “club” music until two. Everyone I met was really kind, and even the two people who turned me down for dances were nice about it. I say that, but I’ve been a little hung up on the rejections today. It’s always challenging to put yourself out there, ask a stranger to dance, then get turned down. But what a great thing to put yourself out there, ask a stranger to dance, and have them say yes. And that was definitely what happened more often than not last night, dancing with enthusiastic partners who said, “Let’s dance again later.” Like, people seemed to like me. Hell, I even had one lesbian hold me so close while I was following her that I can safely say I got more boob action last night than I ever have before. (Also, it didn’t change a thing.)

Here’s a picture of Bonnie and me just before we left the hotel to hit the dance floor.

For as “up” as I was last night, today I’ve been coming down. Mostly I’ve been tired, since we were awake until five in the morning and were supposed to check out of the hotel by noon. Plus, although I haven’t had a hangover today, I’m sure my system is still “processing” all the beer (and late-night chicken and waffles). You know how it is when you overdo EVERYTHING. My liver’s probably thinking, Who left this guy in charge of intake? Lastly, I’ve been reminded this evening (now that I’m back home) that despite the fact that I danced with multiple unicorns last night, all of my problems still exist. Within two hours of walking in the door, I had bills to deal with, an Amazon order gone wrong, and a website backup issue that took an hour to correct.

While working on this blog, I’ve been looking through last night’s photos, trying to reclaim the joy I felt when I took them. I keep thinking, Come on get happy. But I realize you can’t make yourself feel any differently than you do. What goes up must come down. Last night as I was dancing with a guy named Fred, he was spinning-spinning-spinning me. After a few beers, it was honestly a challenge, but I was able to keep my feet under me. Still, when I finished spinning, Fred had to steady me just so. “I saw your eyes start to wobble,” he laughed. I guess this is what today and life lately have felt like–disorienting. But I’m reminded that, especially with a little help from my friends, I can regain my balance. I can stumble, any of us can stumble, and still continue this dance.