It’s seven in the evening, and I’m trying to knock out today’s blog now because I’m thinking I may want to “pass the fuck out” later and don’t want anything to stand in my way. Head, meet pillow. Currently I’m in the living room, propped up in an oversized chair. Mom’s across the room on her tablet, my nephew is watching a cartoon on the television, and my sister is working a puzzle we started about an hour ago on the coffee table. (I’m ready to join her.) Dad, on the other hand, is sick. He hasn’t been out of his room all day. The germaphobe in me appreciates the fact that he’s quarantined himself, but I hate it for him. Anyway, everywhere I look, it’s just life.

Last night I read more in my book about Reichian Therapy, which focuses on the mind-body connection. Specifically, I read about (and practiced) the proper way to breathe deeply. Having been to a meditation class or two, some of the concepts were familiar to me, like the fact that (if you’re lying down) the belly button should rise when you inhale and fall when you exhale. But I’ve never had anyone explain that after the belly rises on the inhale, the chest should expand–then the belly should fall on the exhale, then the chest should un-expand. This is harder than it sounds. I kept thinking, I’m not doing this right. How am I even alive if I’m not breathing correctly?

A lot of people think of inhaling as putting air into the body, like pouring water into a glass. But when used the right way, the diaphragm actually works to create a vacuum that sucks air in. (This is pretty cool to experience, since it feels effortless, like you’re “being breathed.”) The book says it can take a year or more to get the hang of the process, but that it will change your life, that deep breathing can initiate your body’s relaxation response and repair the damage done from years of stress, trauma, and living in fight-or-flight mode. It also says that it can trigger seizures and heart problems in those prone to such things. So there’s that.

Like everybody says, talk to your doctor first.

My personal experience with deep breathing last night was all-positive. I honestly don’t remember when I’ve had so much oxygen. Well, wait–the book says this idea is wrong, that deep breathing isn’t about having more oxygen, but rather about having less carbon dioxide. I don’t know if that’s true, since I’m not a doctor, but I do know it felt great, for whatever reason. At the very least it was calming and relaxing, and I know I could use more “calming and relaxing” in my life. Like, who couldn’t?

This afternoon I received a text from an old friend of mine. She said perhaps part of the reason I’ve been tired lately is that I’ve been healing, really healing, and that takes energy. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this reminder. Granted, I have been fighting an off-and-on infection. That’s something. But I do think it’s easy to get caught up in whatever is going on physically and forget that our thoughts and emotions play a huge part in how we feel. And I’d like to pretend that you can dig deep, really look at your past, and turn your life around and not take a huge withdrawal out of your energetic bank account, but that’s simply not true. My friend is right–it takes energy to heal. So for now I continue to work at patience and supporting my body the best I can, by resting and taking deep breaths. Likewise, I’m trusting that this entire process is “just life,” and that every time we make a withdrawal to invest in healing ourselves, it will eventually pay off.