Well shit. It’s two-thirty in the morning, and–once again–I’ve let the day get away from me. My routine is all effed up. I haven’t blogged or meditated or anything yet. I just took a selfie and turned my face THE OTHER direction. WHAT is going on? Is Mercury in retrograde? ( Mercury MUST BE in retrograde.) Hum–I just looked, and it’s not. But still–something ain’t right. I guess it all boils down to the fact that I slept later than normal, then spent my usual-routine time on a business call. Well, before I knew it, it was time to teach dance for a few hours, then I spent time visiting with my friend Bonnie, since I think it’s important to have a freakin’ social life. At home, my mom and got in a long conversation, which hasn’t happened in a while. “I just love talking to you,” she said.

Isn’t that adorable?

In short, even though I still have things to do and my brain currently feels like Cream of Wheat, it’s been a great day. I mean, it’s winter (which I hate, or at least strongly dislike), and I don’t feel well. (I may have mentioned this last part before. I can’t remember.) So it wasn’t THAT GREAT. But at least I got out of the house. Sometimes my dad says this, and I’m like, “Dad, going to the mailbox doesn’t count as getting out of the house.” But seriously, I can’t tell you what a difference this made, just a brief change of location. Also, it didn’t hurt that I was able to teach for a few hours, to focus on somebody else and help them in some way.

Today has been a shot in the arm in this respect. During the business call I had today, a friend asked me about marketing. “That’s not really my specialty,” I said. “I don’t think I have much to offer you.” But then we talked for a while, and they ended up saying, “I think you know more than you think you do. I’m really glad we talked.” Since then, I’ve been thinking about the marketing stuff, and maybe I do know more than I give myself credit for. I know a good bit about design and I’ve certainly read a lot about human behavior and how to communicate, which I guess is what marketing is. But the point is that for an hour on the phone this afternoon and three hours teaching dance this evening, I felt useful, like I was making a difference.

I think this is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. I know it was a big reason why I closed the studio over a year ago. I wrote an essay in order to process my feelings and realized in the process that I felt like I had a lot to offer, but my particular community wasn’t interested, at least enough for me to pay my bills. I mean, let’s face it–Arkansas isn’t a dancing mecca. ‘Round these parts, it’s football over cha-cha every single time. Either way, having something to give but no one to receive it feels like shit.

More and more, I’m convinced we all have something to give, and it’s probably something most of us take for granted. You know, something that makes the biggest difference to someone else that we’re almost oblivious to. It’s a Wonderful Life and all that. Like, as much as my mom loves talking to me, I love talking to her. She’s a fabulous listener, like a really, really good one. She could get an award for paying attention. (Unless my dad’s talking, of course.) But really, she doesn’t interrupt, and that’s–oh my god–so rare these days, to actually be heard, to be able to talk about anything and know you’ll be accepted. Likewise, Bonnie and Todd’s house has become a place I can put my feet up. Tonight Bonnie fed me and gave me a glass of wine. Once Todd told me, “Just come on in. You know you don’t have to knock here.” For me, these gestures are anything but small. I guess it’s never a small thing to open your home or heart to another person, to make someone else feel welcome, to make someone else feel valuable and important.